Smut Smut Smut
by Fanfiction-no-jutsu
Summary: SAKURAS AND DUCK BUTT HAIR AND MARY SUES, OH MY! A series of parody's about Naruto, and Naruto fanfiction, no offense meant.
1. PAIRINGS!

_**AUTHOR'S SIDE NOTE:**_

_**Ok, I'm not intending to offend anyone by this, as this is just a parody of even some things I like in Naruto Fanfiction. It's just a stupid story I wrote parodying the relationships (or the pairings) between different Naruto characters.**_

One day emo Sasuke was walking down the road and decided to become gay, and have a random-ass relationship with Naruto. "I want a random-ass lemons relationship with Naruto." He said while cutting his wrists and crying about his dead family. So he ran to Naruto at the ramen stand and said "Let's be gay" "Why?" Naruto asks him back. "I feel like it today" Sasuke said as he shrugged his emo shoulders. "Well…that changes…EVERYTHING" Naruto says right before he passionately makes out with Sasuke. Sakura walks up to the ramen stand and gasps in horror/shock/pleasure at seeing Yaoi.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SASUKE MY LOVE NOOOOOO" She shrieks as she rips the hair out of her scalp and slowly melts into the ground. Hinata is creepily watching from a dark scary corner, happy that Sakura finally died. "OH NOES" Hinata yells out. Slowly but surely, Sakura reversed the melting process. From a puddle of shitty looking goo she created herself back to normal. Well, almost normal…she had these uncharacteristically huge boobs. "WTF??" Hinata said "THAT'S MY THING! YOU CAN'T STEAL THE BIG BOOBIES THING!" She runs out in a demented fashion towards Sakura, but trips over Sasuke and Naruto making out on the floor. "DAMMIT" She screams as she watches Sakura running over to Kakashi for no apparent reason and starting to give him a lap dance.

"NOOOOOOOOO" a random old man says for no reason other than to create drama "NOOOOO". Hinata gets up and looks over to her random cousin confessing his love to a….chicken/duck/goose? "Oh I've loved you for sooo long, Hinata, plz buttsex meeeeeeeeeee" He says and he makes a humping gesture towards the chicken/duck/goose. "w-w-w-w-w-whaaaaaaaaaaaaat??" Hinata says in shock. She stands there while the uninteresting character TenTen walks up to Neji and confesses, but nobody is interested in her so lets hear her rejection: "NO. NO BUTTSEX FOR YOU." Neji states firmly, and gives her an ass-whooping because he feels like it.

Hinata suddenly realizes that she's loved Neji all along and not Naruto, and she (once again) runs off in as demented fashion towards Neji. Neji sees her, and he too runs off in a demented fashion towards her. Dramatic music begins to play and time slows down. Hinata trips over Naruto and Sasuke making out again on the floor and dies. "NOOOO" Neji cries over her corpse. He gets over it after 2 seconds "oh well" and he buttsexes her anyways.

While Neji is busy buttsexing Hinata, and Naruto and Sasuke are currently touching each other everywhere…Sakura screams a scary scream and then explodes into pink goo. Kakashi is actually gay (and Sakura exploded from horror/pleasure at more Yaoi) so he runs over Iruka and gropes his ass. "What!? Kakashi?? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Iruka almost screeches in surprise. "Well…I thought that…you know…. um…buttsex?" Iruka stares back, mouth wide open. "OF COURSE" and then the two of them jump over Neji's humping form into the darkness.

But…OH NOES SHE'S BACK AGAIN, Sakura (well, the pink goo is more like it) goes together to form…MASSIVE BOOBED SAKURA! Hinata comes back from the dead and shoves Neji off-"BUTTSEX LATER" she yells at him, as she walks (jogs) towards Sakura. She sends a massive falcon punch at Naruto and Sasuke's half naked making out forms, sending them rolling down a magical hill with fairies and rainbows and-well you get the point. "NO. NOT AGAIN. YOU WILL NEVER STEAL THE BIG BOOBIES THING EVER NEVER EVER AGAIN. PLZKTHXNBAI" and she kicks Sakura's ass to kingdom come. While Sakura is in Kingdom come, Hinata walks back to Neji and they prance off in a demented fashion towards a place where they will do god knows what.

Meanwhile, Lee is being molested (and yet Lee loves it) by Gai-sensei, in public-of course. Lee likes it, Gai likes it, and we all watch for the lulz. Gaara levitates his way towards his two siblings (who all happen to be in Konoha because they feel like it) "Hn." Gaara says. Translation: rape plz? And so it is understood, and a threesome incestuous relationship is formed in 25 seconds and 23 milliseconds.

"But..But…TSUNADEEEE!!" the old pervy sage says "I WANT TO DO YOU. RIGHT NOW! PLZ??" he whines some more' "NO. RIGHT AFTER I FINISH WITH FIXING KONOHA!" she screams. "But………but……" he whimpers, and he has puppy dog eyes. "(Sigh's) FINE! Come on then, let's go do each other!" they run off into the sunset and you already know the rest. THEN EVERYBODY IS MAGICAL AND SEXUAL AND HAPPY MIRACLE UNICORNS AND FUN AND HAPPINESS.

THE END(No one gives a shit about the other characters, but in case you wanted to know, the Akatsuki were sexing each other up. For the lulz. Just for the lulz.).


	2. MARY SUE'S!

One day in the magical and fantastical world of Naruto, Naruto looked around while at the ramen stand and saw a bunny rabbit. It was waving at him. "Wha-?…rabbit?" Naruto exclaimed, very confused. After staring at the rabbit for 20 minutes, the rabbit finally began expresses itself "GOD DAMNIT YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT! FOLLOW ME MOTHAFUCKA" and then ran off while giving a bunny's middle finger. Naruto skipped femininely all the way down the road where he opened a mystical door it was labelled 'NARUTO UZUMAKI, YEAH' He entered the room where the rabbit disappeared and a long haired (pony tailed) blond man turned around in his chair. "So you've come to see me, yeah?" Naruto looked around the room "You talking to me?" The other blond haired man looked annoyed "Yes you little prick, why else would you have come in here?!"

A pause. "A little rabbit told me to follow hi-" He interrupted him "OK sure I'm believing that one, yeah." Uzumaki looked disappointed. He then proceeded to cut his emo arms "WAIT WAIT WAIT JUST A SECOND, YEAH!" The "yeah" man frantically yelled and started rummaging through the files in his desk "AH! I found it, yeah" He passes it along to Naruto "In that folder contains someone special, someone crucial to Konoha, yeah." Naruto raised an eyebrow and opened the file. All of a sudden a leg popped out and Round house kicks him in the face "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" said Naruto, as he started punching the unknown leg. Then an entire body magically popped up and out of the folder "Why…hello there" Standing there was an amazingly gorgeous woman who looked like Naruto except TEN TIMES more powerful and she somehow has Kyuubi marks like Naruto on her cheeks. "MY NAME IS NARUTA HYUUGA UCHIHA SABAKU (and insert random made up Japanese last name here)!" "I CAME HERE TO SAVE KONOHA AND TO STEAL ALL OF THE BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS"

Naruto was dumbstruck but then at that moment for some strange reason fell in love with her beauty, and intelligence, and strength (over all awesomeness). There they linked arms and skipped all the way to Tsunade's office (meanwhile the "yeah" man is sitting bored as hell on his chair), "TSUNADE-SAMA, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM FROM TRULY…MY PARENTS WERE KILLED IN FRONT OF ME AS WELL AS I'M AN ORPHAN BECAUSE THEY PASSED AWAY NATURALLY AND I GOT BULLIED BECAUSE I HAVE A DIFFERENT DEMON INSIDE OF ME THAT HASN'T EXISTED UNTIL NOW BECAUSE MY FATHER ALSO SEALED IN INSIDE OF ME AND MY MOM DIED GIVING BIRTH TO ME AND THIS IS ALL TRUE AT THE SAME TIME."

Tsunade's eyes began to water "You…You poor child! I have great news! I have been hiding your secret ever since you were born! Your true name is…….MAGICAL SPRING BUNNY TIME HAPPINESS SUPER PRINCESS HONEYKINS MUFFIN (and insert random totally not Japanese at all made up Japanese name)"

And with that the girl transformed into a PRINCESS and brought Naruto to the moon and had a magical happy fun time family while simultaneously saving Konoha.

THE END.


End file.
